Still Stuck in Blood Gulch
by llcatz
Summary: RvB, The blues are having problems. Griff doesn't like his sister's situation with the blues.
1. Where are all the beds?

Disclaimer: Red vs. Blue belongs to Roosterteeth. NOT ME!

Life in Blood Gulch was fairly normal, for the Reds at least. Save Griff who kept coming over to blue base to check on sister every five minutes. The blues were having a hard time because Caboose decided it would be a good idea to make a replica of the pyramids using all the furniture at Blue base.

"You have GOT to be kidding me" Church growled, looking at Caboose's creation.

"Don't you love it I made it just for you!" Caboose said smiling dumbly through his helmet.

"Tex kill me now please." Church begged

"Your already dead retard" Tex snapped

"Caboose where are we going to sleep?" Tucker said feeding his kid a raw steak. "Your such an effing retard"

"I called Vic, he's nice, he told me all the red's aren't in regulation red armor, and there is no pink army" Caboose said.

"Caboose," Tucker began calmly "WE HAVE NOWHERE TO SLEEP!"

"Ohh I got Vic to send me more beds" Caboose said "He said they are very squishy"

"Freaking retard" Church said before a large package dropped behind them.

"That must be them!" Caboose said wandering away from the package.

"Where are the rest of the beds?" Doc asked counting the tree beds for a fifth time.

"Caboose!" Tex yelled as Caboose came running out of the base.

"I can't find Teddy!" Caboose yelled.

"Whyarethereonlythreebeds!" Tex yelled in one breath

"Well, I thought" Caboose began.

"There's the problem" Tucker muttered

"If there are six of us, and I got double beds we would only need three beds!" Caboose said "Vic helped me with the math, I don't like math…"

"That means we have to share beds!" Church snapped.

"You ladies can stay in my bed, BOW CHIK A BOW WOW" Tucker said.

"Shut the hell up, just shut the hell up" Tex said.

"I vote Tucker sleeps with Doc" Church said

"Ok than you get to sleep with Caboose and I'll sleep with sister" Tex reasoned.

"BOW CHIK A BOW WOW" Tucker said

"Seriously shut the hell up!" Church said "Lets just go to bed, it's as close as it gets to pitch black around here."

It only took Tex five minutes to realize sister had an annoying habit of sticking her knee in people's backs. "Knock it off" Tex snapped pushing sister over because she was already on the edge of the bed. "This is worse than Church trying to cuddle"

"I don't cuddle!" Church protested "So shut the hell up!"

"R-i-ight, you keep thinking that" Tex said

"Dumb witch" Church growled.

"Prick" Tex shot back.

"All of you shut up!" Tucker yelled "I offered to let you sleep in my bed"

"If I would share a bed with anyone it would be Church, because he knows I'll beat him if he tries anything." Tex growled

"Why is everyone yelling?" Caboose said.

"Seriously Sister!" Tex growled getting out of bed and walking over to Church and Caboose. "Caboose go lie down with Sister now"

"Okay!" Caboose said walking over to Sister "hi I'm Caboose!"

"Church scoot over" Tex said shoving Church onto the other side of the bed.

"Slut." Church muttered "Oww! Son of a – Sorry now stop please Oww!"

"Go to bed I'm sure the reds can hear us!" Tucker said.

"Up yours" Church said "Tex stop hitting me!"

"Than stop talking" Tex shot back

"Fine" Church said.

"So… Church is Tex hot?" Tucker asked

"Did you just seriously ask that?" Church said in disbelief

"Well, you're the only one here who's seen her with out armor on." Tucker reasoned.

"Church, before you even think about answering that, think about answering that think about where I'm at." Tex said threateningly.

"I'm going to have to plead the fifth there buddy" Church said before turning to Tex and whispering something to her followed by her elbowing him.

"Your talking about me aren't you?" Tucker said.

"Everyone shut up and go to sleep!" Tex yelled.

A/N: Please let me know if I should continue posting.


	2. Caboose's Teddy is gone?

Caboose lay silently staring at the ceiling he rolled over and felt something under him, picking it up he realized it was a wallet. He curiously looked inside was Church's Military ID badge he was supposed to send back to command after he died but never did. Along with that were a few pictures of some girl that looked like they could have been a model, a picture of Church with the girl, and lastly a picture of Tex in armor flipping the picture taker off as she boarded an airship.

"I wonder who that girl is" Caboose muttered "WAIT WHERE IS TEDDY?"

"Caboose, what are you Doing up?" Sister said sleepily.

"Church has Teddy!" Caboose announced.

"Than go get it" Sister said

"From who?" Caboose asked.

"Umm… I guess the person who as it" Sister finally said.

"Okay" Caboose said walking towards where Church was and stopped when he heard a noise that was either kissing or someone having a bad dream. "Church are you ok?"

"Yeah Moron I'm fine" Church growled "Now go to bed!"

"Church do you have Teddy?" Caboose no sooner finished the question before the stuffed animal hit him on the head "Never mind I found him."

Tucker woke up to Junior crying and shuffled out of bed, looking at the clock saw it was only 4:00 am everyone else was still sound asleep. He passed Church and Tex's bed and saw both were sound asleep, Tucker did a double take suddenly realizing they were cuddling subconsciously. They were usually the first two up and arguing over who got up first, so as weird as it was to see them asleep this was so much stranger. Although he took a picture for future blackmail. About half an hour later he was bored so he decided to wake everyone else up since junior decided that every time Tucker fell asleep he would start crying. He walked over to Church and Tex who still hadn't moved and whistled loudly in Tex's ear, they quickly jumped apart and Tex pointed a pistol at Tucker.

"NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!" Tex growled

"Please don't kill me!" Tucker yelled running off.

"Remind me to kill him later" Tex grumbled reluctantly getting up.

"Will do" Church agreed.

"Caboose, Yellow Chick GET UP NOW!" Tex yelled kicking Caboose

"Where the Hell is my wallet Tex?" Church asked.

"Well I wanted money so I took it last night, and by the way your broke" Tex began "Wait where did it go?"

"You lost my wallet?" Church growled

"In a nutshell that's exactly what I did" Tex said unconcerned.

"That had my Military Badge in it, I needed that!" Church exclaimed storming out of the base.

Meanwhile outside Tucker was trying to pawn Junior on Doc, who was rambling about O'Malley again. "Seriously Doc shut up!"

"Tucker Lookie at what I found!" Caboose yelled running over to Tucker, and giving him Church's wallet. "I think it was a present from Church to show how happy he is about my Pyramid"

"Wow that chick is HOT, I can't believe Church could get any girls that fine" Tucker continued than glanced at Tex who was sitting on the top of the base. "You don't think…"

"Think what?" Caboose said

"Never mind there is no way Tex is that hot" Tucker said.

"Ok I'm going to go find a butterfly and have it make us more butter" Caboose said skipping off.

A/N: Ok I'm sorry this took so long I will update more hopefully by this weekend. I'm also sorry for the short chapter Not a lot of time to type.


	3. Pictures of Tex

Disclaimer: All rights belong to Rooster teeth not me!

"Church get your lazy butt over here" Tucker yelled to Church who was watching the reds in the sniper rifle.

"What's wrong now?" Church snapped. "I swear if this is about Caboose stealing your mirror again I will kill you!"

"It's not I swear, Caboose found your wallet" Tucker said as Church ran over.

"Where is it?" Church asked

"Relax you can have it back, as soon as you tell me who this sexy chick in this picture is." Tucker said holding up the picture of Church and the girl on his lap.

"Just give it back!" Church yelled, grabbing at his wallet

"Dude you must have gotten major tail before you got shipped out" Tucker continued.

"Just shut up and give it back!" Church growled.

"Maybe Tex can tell me who it is." Tucker continued, before Church lunged at him, Tucker than ran over to Tex after avoiding Church. "Tex who's the girl in this picture?"

"What?" Tex asked turning around "That is… Leonard Church!"

"That can't be Church, what do you think I am? Stupid?" Tucker said before seeing Church had taken off running.

"You told me you burned that picture!" Tex yelled running after him, Church ran into the base and over to Tucker, having temporarily out ran Tex.

"Who is she someone Tex is jealous of?" Tucker asked.

"Something like that" Church mumbled grabbing his wallet. Tex shot at Church who ducked behind a pillar. "Come on Tex you had my wallet for a week and didn't see that?"

"I'm gonna kill you, the only reason you had that picture is because you told me you would burn it before anyone else could see it!" Tex yelled shooting at Church as he jumped off the base.

* * *

"Simmons what are the blues doing now?" Sarge asked.

"Umm… I'm not quite sure but from what I can tell the stupid one is hitting on Griff's sister, the horny one is all alone, and the evil Freelancer is trying to kill their leader guy."

"What?!" Griff yelled "I'm gonna kill him!"

"It was just a joke Griff" Simmons laughed "Well only the sister thing, everything else is true Sir"

"Good job Simmons, you successfully irritated Griff! Now Mobilize the Warthog, we're gonna attack them while their distracted!" Sarge continued, jumping into the Warthog with all the other reds following closely behind.

* * *

"Ahhhhhhhhh!! The butterfly told the reds I stole it!" Caboose yelped running over to Sheila "Please kill the Puma thing for me Sheila I will love you forever"

"Absolutely Caboose you are so nice to me" Sheila said shooting her cannon at the Red's Warthog.

"Tex if your done trying to kill Church we could use a little help down here!" Tucker yelled shooing his mutant baby into the base, there was a shot from the top of the base and the Warthog rolled over.

"TOLD YOU I COULD HIT IT!" Church exclaimed triumphantly from the top of the base, Tex fell into hysterics as Church was shot out of his armor. "Damn it!"

"Told you, you were gonna get shot!" Tex laughed, picking up the sniper rife and shooting at Donut hitting in the leg. Church had gotten back into his armor and shot at Sarge who had Caboose as a hostage. Some how Tucker had gotten shot in the foot, although Tex and Church had Sarge cornered.

"Ready to surrender?" Church asked.

"Ohh I want to surrender!" Caboose squealed.

"We aren't the ones surrendering Caboose!" Church Yelled.

"Ok what do you want? We have a Griff!" Sarge said.

"He's always over here anyways what else do you have?" Tex growled.

"Umm I suppose the only thing left is the Warthog!" Sarge yelled.

"Fine just go away" Church said.

"Can I get a kitten?" Caboose said

"What? No!" Church said "Tex would probably kill it."

"Excuse me who ran over whose cat?" Tex snapped

"You killed my cat!" Church said, Tex pointed a pistol at him "You can't kill me I'm already dead"

"Dead or not it still hurts like hell." Tex reminded him.

"It was an accident—Ok fine but in my defense that cat started it!" Church admitted.

"I'm leaving" Tex said going back into the base.

"I miss Tex…" Caboose said.

"She just left you moron" Church grumbled. "Why don't you go do something constructive?"

"Ok" Caboose said standing and staring for a minute. "What does constructive mean?"

"I give up" Church said walking over to Tucker "Tucker watch Caboose"

"But I have my own kid to watch" Tucker insisted.

"Doc's watching your spawn" Church grumbled walking away and into the base.

A/N: I'm so sorry in all honest I forgot about this story. School is hectic this year 


	4. Caught

Disclaimer: All the rights to the characters belong to Rooster teeth not me

Disclaimer: All the rights to the characters belong to Rooster teeth not me!

"So Caboose do you ever think?" Tucker asked after a moment of silence Tucker wandered inside to see what Tex was up to.

"Church you are such an arrogant " Tex growled.

"You love it." Church laughed Tucker peeked around the corner and saw Church and Tex sitting on the edge of the bed, somehow both were solid and outside their armor. Tucker couldn't believe his eyes Tex was hot, she must have been the girl in that picture her hair was dark red, her eyes were baby blue, she was wearing a black top with black leather pants. Church had dark blonde hair, green eyes, and was wearing a white muscle shirt, and they looked like they were about to kiss.

"Tucker are you lost?" Tex asked turning towards Tucker's hiding spot.

"Umm… Nope I'm just lookin' for Caboose." Tucker said, "But if you need company I'm available bow chika bow wow, damn Church you hit the jackpot Tex is a hottie!"

"Tucker out NOW!" Tex and Church growled both pointing their pistols at him.

"Ok I'm leaving." Tucker said diving behind another wall when he was out of sight.

"Tucker out!" Tex laughed and Tucker sulked off. "Church what if someone comes in?"

"What if they do?" Church asked "You didn't mind when your parents caught us in your living room."

"That was different we weren't in a war." Tex said trying to stifle a moan.

"Reds won't be back today." Church insisted, Tucker snuck back in and glanced around the corner to see Tex and Church kissing passionately, he also noticed the initials 'LC' on her shoulder.

"We're gonna get caught." Tex laughed Tucker ran outside.

"No we're not." Church insisted kissing Tex's neck.

"What if Caboose comes in?" Tex said her voice trailing off as her and Church fell back onto the bed. Meanwhile outside Tucker had realized that Caboose really stunk.

"Caboose when was the last time you showered?" Tucker asked sniffing Caboose.

"I'm afraid of water." Caboose said and after a moment of silence spoke again, "If we bath in blue water do the reds bath in red water.

"God you're retarded Caboose." Tucker said watching Doc play with Junior who was trying to bite him. "Caboose just go shower."

"Okay Tucker!" Caboose grinned going inside the base and saw Church and Tex's armor although they were no where to be found. He picked up the armor "Churchie do you want to shower with me?" Caboose carried the armor inside the bathroom with him.

Outside the base Tucker was chasing Junior when he spotted Church without armor looking at something in the sniper rifle. "Umm… Church where is your armor and how are you not a ghost?"

"My armor is inside and I figured out how to materialize." Church said like it was obvious.

"What are you looking at?" Tucker asked.

"Nothing." Church insisted as Junior hugged his leg, "Get this ugly creature off of me!!"

"He's not ugly!" Tucker insisted picking up his child, "Where did Tex go?"

"How would I know that?" Church growled.

"Because you were in the base with her." Tucker pointed out.

"She was—" Church began before Caboose came running out of the base screaming.

"I'm sorry Texas I didn't know you were in there!" Caboose yelled hugging a rubber ducky. "Church Tex is gonna kill me!"

"She'll get over it." Church muttered.

"I don't wanna die!" Caboose cried.

"Will you shut up if I go talk to her?" Church asked annoyed with Caboose.

"Yes." Caboose smiled.

"Fine I'll go you moron." Church muttered walking off.

"Church is a nice person." Caboose smiled petting Junior.

"Yeah I don't think that's the same Church that I know." Tucker said. "He wants to kill the reds for the fun of it."

"No that's Texas silly." Caboose grinned stupidly.

"Yeah but she's being paid big bucks." Tucker said.

A/N: Sorry this took so long I've been busy with other things mainly with my sister and I's WWE story check it out on her profile Kandy54 "Wrestling Backstage".


	5. Reds unfortunate encounter

Disclaimer: Still don't own RVB in any way shape or form.

Meanwhile at Red Base Sarge was nowhere to be found, which was causing Simmons to panic. "What if the Blues kidnapped him!?!" Simmons exclaimed to Griff who was looking through Sarge's desk.

"Two things about that one why would they want him he only thinks he knows things. Two that would be so awesome." Griff grinned propping his feet up on the desk.

"Well maybe if you helped me look for him we could find him!" Simmons exclaimed before seeing Donut eating a pie.

"Were you not listening to me I don't care if the Blues took him." Griff sighed as Simmons disappeared to another room to search for Sarge.

About fifteen minutes later Simmons found himself standing in front of the only unchecked room in the entire base…The Bathroom. Simmons pulled the door open and let himself in. Immediately he saw Sarge sitting on the toilet, reading a magazine, and grunting loudly.

"Sarge thank god I found you! Even your poop smells like roses!" Simmons said quickly.

"Simmons GET OUT!" Sarge yelled "Now is not the time to be kissing my ss."

"Simmons Donut wants you to…" Griff began trailing off. "Holy $h*t Sarge it reeks in here why are you watching Sarge poop Simmons?"

"Everyone get out and that's an order!" Sarge yelled as Donut walked in.

"Sarge if you need help I know a wonderful remedy of rosemary and canola oils." Donut suggested "Or if you rub coconut wax on…"

"All of you just get out!!!" Sarge shrieked cutting Donut off mid-sentence.

"Or you could try a strawberry bubble bath." Donut continued.

"Everyone out of you will be cleaning the entire base!" Sarge yelled everyone instantly left the bathroom. "Now I can finally use the Jon in peace."

"Or even a healthy dose of lilac perfume!" Donut yelled through the door.

"Donut get Lost!!!" Sarge yelled.

A/N: I know this chapter was short, but I hope to have a longer chapter up soon. Sorry it's been so long there is a lot of things I have had to do.


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